When the past should stay the past.

My heart is twisted. Can the grass ever be greener on both sides? I have been sick the last few weeks. My thyroid has been testing ‘high’, but according to my doctor “not high enough to make me feel this bad.” Whatever, I know it’s my thyroid.

I left Flagstaff with the thought that my thyroid would get better.  I never had thyroid problems before I lived there. And when I left for a little bit, magically I felt better.  I thought it was in the water, since I was actually allergic to something in the water. I had to drink filter water.

I told myself leaving Flagstaff was the right thing.

I am starting my job search again.  I have a while, my term isn’t up until November. However, I need to start thinking about it so I know if there are any other skills I need to learn.

I saw a job in Flagstaff, and my heart stopped. Could I…? should I…?Image

Let me jump on the next plane! I can be there by tomorrow!

But I know I can’t go back. I mean, I can surely go back to visit, vacation. But, my life in Flagstaff is no more. I’m not the same and I can’t be that person anymore.

Do I want to be that person?

My question to the universe is: Will I always be tore between who I was, who I am, and who I could and will be?


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