5. Everytime you see or talk to loved ones they ask how it is going. Have you found anything yet?
Yes, and I just didn’t care enough to inform you that I got a job and moved across the state. And then, every time without fail, ‘I am sure something will come along soon. It will all work out.’ I know they mean well, but when I hear this, I want to bang my head against a wall. I still have hope that I will get a job, or else I would not be spending hours creating cover letters and searching. However, hearing from someone who has a job and can afford to put gas in their car, this makes me feel awful and belittled.
4. The hours of searching for maybe 2 or if I am really lucky 3 jobs that I am qualified for and stand a chance to get a interview. The advice I have always gotten is to ‘just apply’, you never know. However, when a job description is asking for 7+ years of experience and I only have 2, it is a waste of time to apply for both me and the company. That time can be spent finding a job I am qualified for.
3. Creating custom resume and cover letters just to have a form to fill out with everything that is ALREADY covered in the resume and cover letter. Nothing makes me scream more, than uploading a cover letter and resume and preceding to the next page for a form on education, employment history, and references. Those applications take me over an hour to fill out when they probably only look at my resume anyway.
2. Not hearing back at all. In my field, organizations move slow. As in beyond glacier slow. I have had interviews where someone in the company tells me, I may not hear back from them for months. Usually, if I do not hear back after a month or two, I write off the application as uninterested. I have applied to 75+ jobs since November. I have only heard about from maybe 10. With leads me to #1…
1. Rejection letters! No one likes to be rejected. Although, I was super disappointed when I spent a good amount of time on an application only to be sent a rejection letter an hour later saying the job had been filled! Take it off the job search websites!!!
I wish I was better at blogging. By all appearance, I should be good at it.
I like writing. I am ok at writing (depending on which of my college professors you ask). I have hobbies and stories that others have blogged about. I follow lots of blogs, so I know what makes a good blog. I have the time to write. I’m always on the internet, so why not?
Yet… like knitting and sewing, I just don’t seem to be good at it. And, I know, practice makes prefect. So I tell myself everytime I try to sew and fail miserably. The more I do it, the better I will be. So I tell myself after the 200th job application. Failure only makes you want to work harder. So I tell myself after I received two job rejection letters within 2 hours of each other. It’s only temporary. So I tell myself when I have to turn down going out with my friends because I just can’t afford it. And so on…
I can’t help but wonder when failing is the end all-be all. We can’t all succeed in everything we set out to do, no matter if our parents tell us differently. What happens if the thing you set your heart on is just not possible? Oh look, now I’m being a Debbie Downer.
The world is full of stories of people who overcome all odds to do the impossible. Look at any athlete who attended the olympics. They all have stories of heroism. But for every athlete who was chosen to attend, there are 20 who were not chosen. Those people’s stories are rarely told, because somehow it is just so unAmerican. So, when we do fail at something, we cannot fathom it. How can we go on?
By telling ourselves that failure is only one stop on the way to our goal.
Yes, keep the hope alive. Always.
Anyway, so this is my long winded explanation to say, I am not a good blogger.
My heart is twisted. Can the grass ever be greener on both sides? I have been sick the last few weeks. My thyroid has been testing ‘high’, but according to my doctor “not high enough to make me feel this bad.” Whatever, I know it’s my thyroid.
I left Flagstaff with the thought that my thyroid would get better. I never had thyroid problems before I lived there. And when I left for a little bit, magically I felt better. I thought it was in the water, since I was actually allergic to something in the water. I had to drink filter water.
I told myself leaving Flagstaff was the right thing.
I am starting my job search again. I have a while, my term isn’t up until November. However, I need to start thinking about it so I know if there are any other skills I need to learn.
I saw a job in Flagstaff, and my heart stopped. Could I…? should I…?
Let me jump on the next plane! I can be there by tomorrow!
But I know I can’t go back. I mean, I can surely go back to visit, vacation. But, my life in Flagstaff is no more. I’m not the same and I can’t be that person anymore.
Do I want to be that person?
My question to the universe is: Will I always be tore between who I was, who I am, and who I could and will be?
So, I just deposited a check into my account by taking a picture of it. I know this is not new, but I am so hindered in technology. The fact that I was able to do this makes me thing… do I need a face to face bank?
Actually, I have used ING since 2008 and therefore have not had a physical bank in a while. Well, besides the credit union where my first savings account was set up when I was born. I do not get a lot of physical checks, so I do not really think about going to a physical bank much. I hate the big chain banks and am already
pissed a little mad that ING has merged with Capital One.
But my question is, are we moving into an age when a bank teller will seem as strange to us as a telephone operator?
And yes, I know my picture as nothing to do with banks. Although I imagine the idea of banks floating away. I really just wanted to show off one of my pictures from my trip to Egypt (it was the same year I opened my ING account. See, totally relevant).
1. When my commute to work takes 3 1/2 hours. Ouch. I mean there was nothing I can do… But still. #firstworldproblems
2. When I am ripping off the send in form for a bill and the dippy part is so close to the actual folded part, I just end up with a big mess.
3. My cell phone. I get a text message and it makes a pretty noise. However if I do not look at it in a timely fashion, it beeps loudly no matter how low I have it. Or if I miss a call. Omg, I almost lost it yesterday when I missed a call while driving and it beeped non stop and I could not reach it. I have no clue how to turn this function off even after trying everything except smashing it. Which will be the next solution.
4. The fact that Americorps does not account for cost of living. And the fact I now have $32 less a month on that tiny stipend that causes my long commute.
5. The word that. I was to delete it from my vocab. But THAT is taking too much effort at the moment. Think about it, how many times have u used that today and really didn’t need to?
6. I am too stressed out about the above to be excited to go to Disney world in two days with my two best friends!
And that’s what grinds my gears.
And my teeth.
1. Deciding whether or not to go to work/school. Everyone has something different to say. Fever? No go. Under a certain temp, by all means go. I tossed and turned half the morning trying to decide if my fever was enough for me to stay home. In the end, the ’24 hr’ rule won out. I would feel worse if I got my co workers sick than missing work.
2. Lack of body heat regulation. Hot, cold, then hot, then suddenly shaking because u are so cold. And no amount of blankets can warm you up.
3. Nothing taste right! I made myself a mango smoothie, my favorite, and tasted nothing. nothing. and Christmas is right around the corner with all of cookies and yummy tasting foods.
4. When your mind is active but your body is rebelling. My mind is racing, I could probably run a marathon right now, but I can’t even stand without getting dizzy. Not that I would actually run a marathon, just feels like it.
I hate commuting. Omg, who thought this was a good idea? Thank goodness my friend lets me stay with her so it is only an hour and ten minute commute. only. seriously? Did I just say that?
And I try to tell myself, I love my job. It could be worse… It could be farther. It could be longer than a year.
However, when its like this, I can’t help but miss Arizona and flagstaff. Where everything I needed was in a 10 mile radius. Where traffic was different and not as aggressive. Where there were beautiful peaks always in view.
But noooooo, I’m commuting to New Jersey. I’ve been kicked out of Eden for hell. Can’t go back either, not that I want too. Arizona was good to me while I was there, but I knew from the beginning Flagstaff was just a stop in my life to rest and heal. To mourn the passing of my childhood and best friend.
So, I’m back. I’m here. And I am a commuter.
By the way, did you know NJ has silver alerts for senior citizens who go missing? It’s sad how often I have seen them in this short month of commuting.